Minggu, 11 Maret 2012

GOAT JUMPING INTO DEEP HOLE( spoof text)

 

Two men were walking through the woods and come across a very big deep hole. "Wow...that looks deep." One replied,"Sure does... toss a few pebbles in there and we will see how deep this hole is." Then they pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait... no noise "Geeez. That is really deep... here.. throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise." After that, they pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait... and wait. but no noise they heard.

Wow.. They were really impressed with how deep hole it was. They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his face and says, "Hey...over here in the weeds, there's a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss that sucker in this hole, it's must make some noise."

The two men drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. But, not a sound comes from the hole. Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them, running as fast as its legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and into the hole. The goat disappeared into the deep hole.

The two men are astonished with what they've just seen. How could a goat jump into the hole? Then, not long after that, out of the woods comes a farmer. He seemed to seek something and asked to the two men, "Hey two guys... have you seen my goat out here?"

Feeling amazing with what they saw of a goat jumping to the hole, they answer straightly,"You bet we did! Craziest thing I've ever seen! A goat came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole!"

The farmer thought a moment and said, "That could not have been my goat. Because my goat was chained to a railroad tie." Then he left the two men.


THE PHONE IS OFF
Soon after he left college, Dave found one of his uncles who was very rich and had no children of his own died and left him a lot of money, so he decided to set up his own real estate agency.
Dave found a nice office. He bought some new furniture and moved in. he had only been there for e few hours when he heard someone coming toward the door of his office.
“It must be my first customer” Dave thought. He quickly picked up the telephone and pretended to be very busy answering an important call from someone in New York who wanted to buy a big and expensive house in the country.
The man knocked at the door while this was going on. He came in and waited politely for Dave to finish his conversation on the phone. Then the man said to Dave; “I am from the telephone company and I was sent here to connect your telephone”


The necklace
Mathilde Loisel was one of those pretty and charming girls born,and she let herself be married off to a little clerk in the Ministry of Education. One evening her husband came home with a large envelope in his hand, an invitation card:
"The Minister of Education and Madame Ramponneau request the pleasure of the company of Monsieur and Madame Loisel at the Ministry on the evening of Monday, January the 18th."
Instead of being delighted, she flung the invitation petulantly across the table, murmuring.
"Why, darling, I thought you'd be happy. You never go out, and this is a great occasion."
She looked at him out of furious eyes, and said impatiently: "And what do you suppose I am to wear at such a party?"

Her husband had not thought about it. But soon he had bright idea and exclaimed "Why don't you go and see Madame Forestier and ask her to lend you some jewels. "
She uttered a cry of delight. "That's true. I never thought of it."
Next day she went to see her friend. Madame Forestier went to her dressing-table, took and opened a large box. Her heart began to beat covetously. She discovered a superb diamond necklace. Her hands trembled as she lifted it. She fastened it round her neck, upon her high dress, and remained in ecstasy at sight of herself.

The day of the party arrived. She was the prettiest woman present, elegant, graceful, smiling, and quite above herself with happiness. All the men stared at her, inquired her name, and asked to be introduced to her. She left the party about four o'clock in the morning. Arriving at home, She took off the clothes. But suddenly she uttered a cry. The necklace was no longer round her neck. So her husband returned to the party to find the necklace but he had found nothing. His face lined and pale. "You must write to your friend," he said, "and tell her that you've broken the clasp of her necklace and are getting it mended. That will give us time to work and get money to replace the necklace"

She came to know the heavy work. She washed the plates, dirty linen, the shirts and dish-cloths, and hung them out to dry on a string. Every morning she took the dustbin down into the street and carried up the water, stopping on each landing to get her breath. She went to the fruiterer, to the grocer, to the butcher, a basket on her arm, haggling, insulted, fighting for every wretched halfpenny of her money. While her husband worked in the evenings at putting straight a merchant's accounts, and often at night he did copying at twopence-halfpenny a page. This life lasted ten years and they had enough money to to buy and replace the necklace.

She went to meet Madame Forestier.
"You remember the diamond necklace you lent me?. Actually I lost it"
"How could you? Why, Well, you meet me to return the necklace now?"
"Yes, I bring you another necklace just like it. And for the last ten years we have been working hard for it. You realise it wasn't easy for us; we had no money. Well, it's paid for at last, and I'm glad indeed."
Madame Forestier smiled in proud and innocent happiness. She deeply moved and said;
"Oh, my poor Mathilde! But mine was imitation. It was only worth at five hundred francs!"


The Zoo Job Story
One day a clown was visiting the zoo and attempted to earn some money by making a street performance. He acted and mimed perfectly some animal acts. As soon as he started to drive a crowd, a zoo keeper grabbed him and dragged him into his office. The zoo keeper explained to the clown that the zoo's most popular gorilla had died suddenly and the keeper was fear that attendance at the zoo would fall off. So he offered the clown a job to dress up as the gorilla until the zoo could get another one. The clown accepted this great opportunity.
So the next morning the clown put on the gorilla suit and entered the cage before the crowd came. He felt that it was a great job. He could sleep all he wanted, played and made fun of people and he drove bigger crowds than he ever did as a clown. He pretended the gorilla successfully.
However, eventually the crowds were tired of him for just swinging on tires. He began to notice that the people were paying more attention to the lion in the next cage. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he decided to make a spectacular performance. He climbed to the top of his cage, crawled across a partition, and dangled from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this made the lion furious, but the crowd people loved it.
At the end of the day the zoo keeper came and gave him a raise for being such a good attraction. Well, this went on for some time, he kept taunting the lion, the audience crowd grew a larger, and his salary kept going up. Then one terrible day happened. When he was dangling over the furious lion, he slipped and fell into the lion cage. The clown was really in big terrible situation. He was terrified.
Sooner the lion gathered itself and prepared to pounce. The clown was so scared. He could do nothing and he began to run round and round the cage with the lion close and closer behind. Finally, the lion could catch him. The clown started screaming and yelling, "Help me, help me!", but the lion was quick and pounces. The clown soon found himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and suddenly he heard a voice from the lion’s mouth;"Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?".


The Spying parrot
A guy was having marital problems. He and the wife were not communicating at all and he had lonesome so he went to a pet store thinking a pet might help.
In the store he came to parrots. As he wandered down the rows of parrots he noticed one with no feet. Surprised he mutters "I wonder how he hangs onto the perch?"
The parrot said "With my prick, you dummy."
The guy was startled and said "You certainly talk well for a parrot."
The parrot said "Of course, I'm very well educated. I can discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject you wish."
The guy said "Gee, you sound like just what I was looking for."
Then the guy bought the parrot and for three months things go great. When he came home from work the parrot told him about the recent and hottest news.
One day the guy come home from work and the parrot waved a wing at him and said "Come in and shut the door."
The guy said "What's up?"
The parrot said "I don't know how to tell you this, but the mailman came today. I saw that your wife answered the door in her transparent gown and he kissed her right on the lips."
The guy said "He did? Did you see?"
The parrot said " Yes, Then he pulled her gown down... and ....."
"My God, what happened next?"The guy said curiously to know next.
Then the parrot replied "I don't know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."

Ours - Taylor swiftOur - Taylor Swift


Elevator buttons and morning air
Strangers' silence makes me want to take the stairs
If you were here we'd laugh about their vacant stares
But right now my time is theirs

Seems like there's always someone who disapproves
They'll judge it like they know about me and you
And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do
The jury's out, my choice is you

So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high, the water's rough
But this love is ours

You never know what people have up their sleeves
Ghosts from your past gonna jump out at me
Lurking in the shadows with their lip gloss smiles
But I don't care 'cause right now you're mine

And you'll say
Don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high, the water's rough
But this love is ours

And it's not theirs to speculate
If it's wrong and
Your hands are tough
But they are where mine belong and
I'll fight their doubt and give you faith
With this song for you

'Cause I love the gap between your teeth
And I love the riddles that you speak
And any snide remarks from my father about your tattoos will be ignored
'Cause my heart is yours

So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
Don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
But they can't take what's ours
They can't take what's ours

The stakes are high, the water's rough
But this love is ours


Rabu, 30 November 2011

Naruto ~ナルト~




Tiga belas tahun sebelum cerita ini dimulai, seekor monster rubah ekor sembilan bernama Kyuubi menyerang Konoha, sebuah desa shinobi yang terletak di negara Api. Kekacauan terjadi di desa Konoha dan korban jiwa mulai berjatuhan, sebelum akhirnya pemimpin desa Konoha, Hokage Ke-4, mengalahkan monster itu dengan mengorbankan dirinya untuk menyegel rubah ekor sembilan ke dalam tubuh seorang anak yang baru lahir, Naruto Uzumaki.

Hokage Ke-4 kemudian diakui sebagai pahlawan yang telah mengorbankan nyawa demi desa Konoha, tapi tidak dengan Naruto, yang tubuhnya dikorbankan sebagai tempat penyegelan Kyuubi. Semua orang di desa menjauhi Naruto dan menganggapnya sebagai jelmaan rubah ekor sembilan. Hokage Ke-3, yang menjabat kembali menggantikan Hokage Ke-4, membuat peraturan yang melarang penduduk desa menceritakan kisah penyerangan dan penyegelan Kyuubi kepada siapapun, termasuk kepada anak mereka sendiri. Namun citra “monster” terlanjur melekat dalam diri Naruto; ia tetap dijauhi dan dihindari.

Sebagai hasilnya, Naruto tumbuh sebagai seorang anak yatim piatu yang kesepian, tanpa teman, keluarga, atau pengakuan dari siapapun. Tidak ada orang yang memperhatikannya, sehingga sering kali ia mencari perhatian dengan melakukan hal-hal yang bodoh atau berbuat jahil. Namun, kehidupan Naruto berubah setelah ia dinyatakan lulus dari Akademi Ninja dan menggunakan jurus terlarang Kage Bunshin no Jutsu untuk menyelamatkan gurunya, Iruka Umino, dari kematian. Kejadian tersebut mengubah arah hidupnya dan membuatnya diakui sebagai seorang ninja berbakat di desa Konoha.
Pencarian Sasuke

Setelah pertempuran melelahkan melawan dua anggota Akatsuki, Naruto dkk. kembali ke Konoha. Kakashi yang tidak bisa bergerak akibat menggunakan Mangekyou Sharingan dirawat di rumah sakit dan digantikan sementara oleh juniornya, Yamato. Yamato, Naruto, dan Sakura menjadi tim baru, dan membutuhkan 1 orang lagi. Ternyata satu orang tersebut adalah Sai, yang pernah menyerang Naruto. Baik naruto maupun sakura tidak menyukainya karena mulutnya yang kasar dan sikap tidak berperasaannya. Tim Yamato lalu diberi misi untuk melakukan kontak dengan mata-mata Sasori di Jembatan Tenchikyou. Dalam perjalanan Naruto dan Sai terus bertengkar, keadaan ini diperburuk dengan insiden pemukulan oleh sakura. Yamato yang kesal karena tidak adanya kerjasama tim mengurung mereka bertiga dengan jutsunya, agar mereka akrab satu sama lain. Akhirnya mereka sampai di jembatan.

Tetapi penyamaran Yamato terbongkar dan terjadilah pertarungan antara Kabuto dan Orochimaru melawan tim Yamato. Naruto yang dilanda amarah melepaskan kekuatan kyuubi hingga ekor 4. Kekuatannya yang dahsyat membuat Orochimaru yang sudah sembuh kewalahan. Akhirnya Orochimaru mundur bersama Kabuto dan Sai yang berkhianat. Naruto yang masih mengamuk akhirnya berhasil ditenangkan oleh Yamato menggunakan kekuatan pohon miliknya. Naruto yang sudah sadar dinasihati oleh Yamato agar jangan terlalu bergantung pada kekuatan Kyuubi. Mereka lalu meneruskan perjalanan dan menemukan buku harian Sai yang agak aneh. Setelah mereka sampai ke persembunyian Orochimaru, mereka dihadang oleh Kabuto. Tanpa diduga, Sai membantu tim Yamato karena tergugah dengan ikatan antara Naruto dan Sasuke. Mereka lalu mencari Sasuke. Naruto bersama sai malah bertemu dengan Orochimaru, dan Naruto menyuruh Sai (yang misi utamanya adalah membunuh Sasuke) untuk mencari Sasuke. Setelah bertemu Sasuke, Sasuke malah menyerang Sai dan mengatakan pada Naruto bahwa diantara mereka sudah tidak ada ikatan. Orochimaru lalu menyuruh Sasuke dan Kabuto untuk menyingkir sementara waktu.

Konfrontasi Akatsuki

Setelah Naruto kembali dari persembunyian Orochimaru, dia menemui Kakashi di rumah sakit. Dia lalu diberi tahu bahwa dia bisa menjadi ninja yang amat kuat dengan metode latihan yang diberikan Kakashi. Dilain pihak, dua orang Akatsuki bernama Hidan dan Kakuzu menyerang kuil api desa Konoha dan menghabisi hampir semua pendeta disana. Naruto yang tidak tahu-menahu hal tersebut meneruskan latihannya. Pertama-tama dia harus bisa memotong daun menggunakan chakra miliknya. Setelah berhasil, dia lalu diberi ujian memotong air terjun yang dibuat oleh Yamato. Tidak berapa lama, dia mendengar berita kematian Asuma dan bertekad menjadi lebih kuat lagi dan menyelesaikan latihannya.

Naruto lalu memasuki tahap akhir latihan, memasukkan chakra angin miliknya kedalam rasengan. Awalnya dia kesulitan memasukkannya. Dia lalu menggunakan kagebunshin untuk membantunya memasukkan chakra miliknya. Setelah berhasil, dia lalu berangkat membantu tim Kakashi, Shikamaru, Chouji dan Ino menghadapi Hidan dan Kakuzu. Pertama-tama Naruto kesulitan mengenai musuhnya dengan rasenshuriken, jurus barunya karena putarannya yang melemah sebelum sampai ke musuh. Akhirnya dia berhasil mengenai Kakuzu dan membuatnya terkapar. Kakuzu akhirnya dihabisi oleh Kakashi. Kakashi mengatakan kalau Naruto benar-benar melampauinya dan penyebab tekadnya ialah keinginannya untuk menjadi lebih kuat dari Sasuke dan mengembalikannya ke Konoha.

Setelah mengetahui tujuan Sasuke yang sebenarnya, Naruto bertekad untuk menemui Itachi, berharap bertemu kembali dengan Sasuke kembali.
Naruto

(rimakhasanah.wordpress.com)